I know a lot of people who believe that they are the defining element in the lives of young people.
I hope this isn’t you.
As a youth worker, and as a developer of young leaders, if we’re not careful we can somehow get the idea that we are the change agents in the lives of young people; and nothing could be further from the truth.
We have no power to truly change a person. Most people would tell you that a person will only change if they want to, and to an extent, I would agree with them.
But to another extent, I wouldn’t; mainly because our God is bigger than any person, and having made us, He can certainly change us. I am a living example. I was not what you would call a people person before my conversion. Even after my conversion, you probably would have found in painful to be in my presence for any length of time, but not more painful than I would have found it.
By the grace of God, I am no longer as introverted as I used to be, and not from my trying to become an extrovert. I fought God tooth and nail every step of the way of my introversion.
What I’m trying to say here is don’t get cocky. God may be using us to affect the lives of many youth, but it is God, not us, that in the end is the Agent of Change. Their success is due God. Their change is due God. You are but another faithful servant that God uses to bring this about.
So the next time that you find yourself surveying your little kingdom and start mumbling something like “his success is due to me,” or “look at the affect I’m having on such-and-such a person,” remember a certain Chaldean king and the time God humbled him by driving him into thinking he was a wild animal. I’m just saying.
Training Tomorrow’s Leaders Today,
Matt
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
What Others Say
Usually I think we’d say that we shouldn’t listen to what others say about us; “sticks and stones,” and all that tosh.
However, as we are raising up young leaders, sometimes it’s good to get out of your church box and bend an ear towards the community. You should know by know that many of our students put on their best when they are with us. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what progress is being made and what problems need to be addressed if you’re basing your analysis solely on how your students act when they are with you.
Listening to what others are saying about the leaders you are developing can be a humbling experience. It can be hard. You may hear some things that you don’t want to hear. You may also hear some things that cause you to praise God and rejoice.
The problem is, if you’re not listening you don’t know.
How long has it been since you had a chat with your student’s parents? What are they saying about your student? Are there problems? Are there victories? What areas do the parents see that needs work, especially when it comes to character?
Talk to teachers. School is a harsh place, and teachers have a unique insight that neither you nor their parents have. Ask the teachers about leadership qualities being displayed at school. Ask them about character issues and homework issues. Remember that many of the good work habits your students will form will take root (or won’t) in High School.
Talking to these other influences on your students has a great advantage: it draws other parties into the leadership development of the student. The parents (which I hope are already engaged) will be on the lookout for specific leadership and character markers, so will teachers.
Use all of this information as you coach your students. We are called to lead an integrated life, and our students will need help in doing that. We do them a disservice when we base their growth strictly on what we see. If we are truly committed to seeing these young people grow into Christian leaders, we’ll get other people’s input.
Training Tomorrow’s Leaders Today,
Matt
However, as we are raising up young leaders, sometimes it’s good to get out of your church box and bend an ear towards the community. You should know by know that many of our students put on their best when they are with us. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what progress is being made and what problems need to be addressed if you’re basing your analysis solely on how your students act when they are with you.
Listening to what others are saying about the leaders you are developing can be a humbling experience. It can be hard. You may hear some things that you don’t want to hear. You may also hear some things that cause you to praise God and rejoice.
The problem is, if you’re not listening you don’t know.
How long has it been since you had a chat with your student’s parents? What are they saying about your student? Are there problems? Are there victories? What areas do the parents see that needs work, especially when it comes to character?
Talk to teachers. School is a harsh place, and teachers have a unique insight that neither you nor their parents have. Ask the teachers about leadership qualities being displayed at school. Ask them about character issues and homework issues. Remember that many of the good work habits your students will form will take root (or won’t) in High School.
Talking to these other influences on your students has a great advantage: it draws other parties into the leadership development of the student. The parents (which I hope are already engaged) will be on the lookout for specific leadership and character markers, so will teachers.
Use all of this information as you coach your students. We are called to lead an integrated life, and our students will need help in doing that. We do them a disservice when we base their growth strictly on what we see. If we are truly committed to seeing these young people grow into Christian leaders, we’ll get other people’s input.
Training Tomorrow’s Leaders Today,
Matt
Monday, April 19, 2010
Character Weakness
Last time we looked at why we shouldn’t try to overcome weaknesses in the abilities and talents that God gave us. This time we’ll look at why we can’t take that same tact when it comes to weaknesses in our character.
Unlike talents, where there isn’t a prescribed set for any given individual, there is a handbook on character, and there is a very definite list of traits that God has given us to have. What that means is that when we have a deficiency in character you have to address it; and it must be changed.
Character weaknesses affect us unlike a talent weakness. God has given us talents to serve in certain places within His Kingdom. Character is something God wants everyone to have, and without it not only are we not obedient to Him, but no one is going to follow us, limiting what we can do for God’s Kingdom.
The thing about character weaknesses, though, is this: they are part and parcel of being a sinful human being. And that means that we can’t beat them on our own. It also means we all have them.
As we are leading in our organizations, and as we are raising up new leaders, we are going to have to identify and eradicate these weaknesses. Our obedience depends on it, our organizations are depending on it, and our students are depending on it.
Here’s a few pointers:
1. Identify your weaknesses. Chances are you probably are already well aware of where you fall short in the character arena, but you may also have some weaknesses that would blindside you. There are two ways that you can ascertain where character weakness has started choking the ministry life out of you:
a. A trusted peer-ask a trusted friend to gracefully share with you where they think you’re character might be coming up short. Prayerfully prepare for this, it’s not a fun experience. There will be times when you will have wished you didn’t ask.
b. Prayer-Pray that God would show you where your weaknesses are. He will, because He wants you to confess your sin and repent.
2. Set up better disciplines. From a knowledge of your own weaknesses, sometimes you can overcome them with discipline. There are some situations that you react badly to, and so you avoid those situations or through knowing about the weakness, control it. However, when you can’t take care of it(and that’s more than often the case)…
3. Pray. God will work with your character weaknesses. Through His word, prayer, and other spiritual disciplines He can and will change your life.
As we are bringing up the next generation of leaders, let them see this process in you. Be transparent with your students about your character weaknesses, and encourage them to do the same. Pray for each other. If your students are well versed in their own weaknesses before they allow them to screw up their ministries, they will be that much more prepared for leadership.
Training Tomorrow’s Leaders Today,
Matt
Unlike talents, where there isn’t a prescribed set for any given individual, there is a handbook on character, and there is a very definite list of traits that God has given us to have. What that means is that when we have a deficiency in character you have to address it; and it must be changed.
Character weaknesses affect us unlike a talent weakness. God has given us talents to serve in certain places within His Kingdom. Character is something God wants everyone to have, and without it not only are we not obedient to Him, but no one is going to follow us, limiting what we can do for God’s Kingdom.
The thing about character weaknesses, though, is this: they are part and parcel of being a sinful human being. And that means that we can’t beat them on our own. It also means we all have them.
As we are leading in our organizations, and as we are raising up new leaders, we are going to have to identify and eradicate these weaknesses. Our obedience depends on it, our organizations are depending on it, and our students are depending on it.
Here’s a few pointers:
1. Identify your weaknesses. Chances are you probably are already well aware of where you fall short in the character arena, but you may also have some weaknesses that would blindside you. There are two ways that you can ascertain where character weakness has started choking the ministry life out of you:
a. A trusted peer-ask a trusted friend to gracefully share with you where they think you’re character might be coming up short. Prayerfully prepare for this, it’s not a fun experience. There will be times when you will have wished you didn’t ask.
b. Prayer-Pray that God would show you where your weaknesses are. He will, because He wants you to confess your sin and repent.
2. Set up better disciplines. From a knowledge of your own weaknesses, sometimes you can overcome them with discipline. There are some situations that you react badly to, and so you avoid those situations or through knowing about the weakness, control it. However, when you can’t take care of it(and that’s more than often the case)…
3. Pray. God will work with your character weaknesses. Through His word, prayer, and other spiritual disciplines He can and will change your life.
As we are bringing up the next generation of leaders, let them see this process in you. Be transparent with your students about your character weaknesses, and encourage them to do the same. Pray for each other. If your students are well versed in their own weaknesses before they allow them to screw up their ministries, they will be that much more prepared for leadership.
Training Tomorrow’s Leaders Today,
Matt
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Weakness
I love “Strengthsfinder 2.0.” If you haven’t read this book or taken the strengthsfinder test than please do that. Lately, this book has me thinking about how we overcome weaknesses. I have been talking to my friends and associates about this a lot, and so I thought I’d share my thoughts.
We all have a lot of weaknesses. We’re not so good at more things than we’re good at. That’s not a diss, that’s just a fact of life. Maybe we should start with just being able to admit that. Take a deep breath, and repeat after me: “I am a flawed person. I have weaknesses.” There you go. That wasn’t so hard, was it?
When we’re talking about weaknesses, remember that there is a huge difference between character weaknesses and talent weaknesses. We have to approach them in a different way. Today, we’ll look at how we overcome weaknesses in our skills and natural talents.
Okay, when you’re dealing with your natural skills and talents, it should be obvious that you aren’t good at everything. I’m no good at math. It’s true. I stink at it. I’m not real good with science, either. Some of you might contend I’m no good at writing either (and you’d have a legitimate point). Anyway, I think that if you’re honest with yourself you’ll find that you’re better at some things than others. So, how do you overcome those weaknesses?
You don’t.
It’s that simple, and that difficult. Our natural tendency is to work harder on those things we’re bad at in order to become better. As Strengthsfinder 2.0 pointed out, that’s probably a waste of time you could spend becoming the best at the things you are good at. And still we try to overcome it. Read the book, you’ll see what I mean.
In the meantime, stop trying to be good at everything. And when you’re dealing with young leaders, please don’t be trying to make them good at everything, either. God has given them gifts and talents that fit them and their purpose. Don’t waste their time trying to “fix” their weaknesses.
And don’t say “weakness” as though it’s a bad thing. It’s usually not. The more a student believes that a weak spot is a bad thing, the more apt they are to pour tons of time and effort into something they may not ever be good at. What a waste.
And please remember, that as Paul pointed out, God moves in our weaknesses. Sometimes those weaknesses are there in order to bring glory to God when He uses them to do mighty things.
Instead of focusing on weaknesses, focus on your strengths. You’ll find building them much more rewarding for yourself and your students. You’ll also find yourself much more equipped to do the work God has for you to do. And that’s rewarding; Much more rewarding than trying repeatedly to improve in an area that I’m just not gifted in.
Training Tomorrow’s Leaders Today,
Matt
We all have a lot of weaknesses. We’re not so good at more things than we’re good at. That’s not a diss, that’s just a fact of life. Maybe we should start with just being able to admit that. Take a deep breath, and repeat after me: “I am a flawed person. I have weaknesses.” There you go. That wasn’t so hard, was it?
When we’re talking about weaknesses, remember that there is a huge difference between character weaknesses and talent weaknesses. We have to approach them in a different way. Today, we’ll look at how we overcome weaknesses in our skills and natural talents.
Okay, when you’re dealing with your natural skills and talents, it should be obvious that you aren’t good at everything. I’m no good at math. It’s true. I stink at it. I’m not real good with science, either. Some of you might contend I’m no good at writing either (and you’d have a legitimate point). Anyway, I think that if you’re honest with yourself you’ll find that you’re better at some things than others. So, how do you overcome those weaknesses?
You don’t.
It’s that simple, and that difficult. Our natural tendency is to work harder on those things we’re bad at in order to become better. As Strengthsfinder 2.0 pointed out, that’s probably a waste of time you could spend becoming the best at the things you are good at. And still we try to overcome it. Read the book, you’ll see what I mean.
In the meantime, stop trying to be good at everything. And when you’re dealing with young leaders, please don’t be trying to make them good at everything, either. God has given them gifts and talents that fit them and their purpose. Don’t waste their time trying to “fix” their weaknesses.
And don’t say “weakness” as though it’s a bad thing. It’s usually not. The more a student believes that a weak spot is a bad thing, the more apt they are to pour tons of time and effort into something they may not ever be good at. What a waste.
And please remember, that as Paul pointed out, God moves in our weaknesses. Sometimes those weaknesses are there in order to bring glory to God when He uses them to do mighty things.
Instead of focusing on weaknesses, focus on your strengths. You’ll find building them much more rewarding for yourself and your students. You’ll also find yourself much more equipped to do the work God has for you to do. And that’s rewarding; Much more rewarding than trying repeatedly to improve in an area that I’m just not gifted in.
Training Tomorrow’s Leaders Today,
Matt
Thursday, April 8, 2010
You're Wrong!
Yes, you are, and so am I. We’re wrong a lot, and if we’ll be honest with ourselves, we’re wrong more than we like to admit.
That is between you and God, but when you are working with youth and raising young leaders, you have other obligations as well.
The more you work with and around youth (or other people for that matter) the more often you’ll do or say something stupid around them. It’s not an “if” situation, but a “when.”
The question is, what do you do when you do screw up?
Let me give you an example from my own life. I recently took our leadership team to a local leadership conference. On the way home, I made a snarky comment about one of the hosts, who had been extremely rude to us.
The kids thought my comment was hilarious, but I immediately knew I was wrong for having said it, and that it had come out of my pride and hurt.
What to do?
On the next Sunday, during our weekly meeting, I apologized. They still thought it was funny, so I told them exactly why what I had said was wrong, why my pride was sinful, and how I am responsible for only my own actions, and not the actions of anyone else. I then asked their forgiveness.
By the time I was done, they knew it wasn’t funny anymore, and they learned a hard lesson about themselves, their reactions, and their leader.
When we screw up in front of our students, it is imperative that we explain to them what we did wrong, apologize, and ask their forgiveness. Not only is it the right thing to do, but it also provides a model for them to follow.
I could just have easily not said anything, let them think I was snarky and funny, and let everything go. This would have been easier for me, and not near as humiliating, but would have given those students who heard it the idea that comments like that are okay.
How often do you admit to your students that you are wrong? How do you handle those situations?
Training Tomorrow’s Leaders Today,
Matt
That is between you and God, but when you are working with youth and raising young leaders, you have other obligations as well.
The more you work with and around youth (or other people for that matter) the more often you’ll do or say something stupid around them. It’s not an “if” situation, but a “when.”
The question is, what do you do when you do screw up?
Let me give you an example from my own life. I recently took our leadership team to a local leadership conference. On the way home, I made a snarky comment about one of the hosts, who had been extremely rude to us.
The kids thought my comment was hilarious, but I immediately knew I was wrong for having said it, and that it had come out of my pride and hurt.
What to do?
On the next Sunday, during our weekly meeting, I apologized. They still thought it was funny, so I told them exactly why what I had said was wrong, why my pride was sinful, and how I am responsible for only my own actions, and not the actions of anyone else. I then asked their forgiveness.
By the time I was done, they knew it wasn’t funny anymore, and they learned a hard lesson about themselves, their reactions, and their leader.
When we screw up in front of our students, it is imperative that we explain to them what we did wrong, apologize, and ask their forgiveness. Not only is it the right thing to do, but it also provides a model for them to follow.
I could just have easily not said anything, let them think I was snarky and funny, and let everything go. This would have been easier for me, and not near as humiliating, but would have given those students who heard it the idea that comments like that are okay.
How often do you admit to your students that you are wrong? How do you handle those situations?
Training Tomorrow’s Leaders Today,
Matt
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Embrace the Messy
How much control do you try to exert over your leadership development team?
I’m not talking about a kind of iron fist control that you’d find in a totalitarian government, I’m talking about how deeply planned you’re meetings are, how much we try to influence outcomes, and how hard we try to steer our lessons in a certain direction.
While each team is different, I have been finding lately that the more control I try to exert over activities of the leadership team, the less the team thrives. Most students need structure, and even welcome it, so why does more control equal less outcome?
I think it has to do with the very nature of leadership and leadership development. While some structure is necessary, the more structure we put into the system, the more it chokes the life out of our young leaders. Our students aren’t normal (whatever normal is), and being leaders, they don’t always operate under the same norms that we’d expect all students to. The more I work with young leaders, the more exceptions I find to developmental theory as explained in my many college classes on the subject.
Leadership development is messy. It happens in real time, and no lesson plan, no matter how good and how detailed, can take into account every student and their personality. No activity, no matter how well planned and what outcome it’s supposed to achieve, can fully take into account every student on your team.
What I’m trying to say is this: plan for the unexpected. Plan to get off-plan. Your lesson or conversation or activity may take your team in a direction that is totally unexpected, and may even seem like a waste to you. Don’t judge it too quickly. Don’t shut it down too quickly. Real growth can happen where you least expect it.
Control is comfortable, control is planned, and control is, well, controlled. Leadership development is messy. Embrace it.
Training Tomorrow’s Leaders Today,
Matt
I’m not talking about a kind of iron fist control that you’d find in a totalitarian government, I’m talking about how deeply planned you’re meetings are, how much we try to influence outcomes, and how hard we try to steer our lessons in a certain direction.
While each team is different, I have been finding lately that the more control I try to exert over activities of the leadership team, the less the team thrives. Most students need structure, and even welcome it, so why does more control equal less outcome?
I think it has to do with the very nature of leadership and leadership development. While some structure is necessary, the more structure we put into the system, the more it chokes the life out of our young leaders. Our students aren’t normal (whatever normal is), and being leaders, they don’t always operate under the same norms that we’d expect all students to. The more I work with young leaders, the more exceptions I find to developmental theory as explained in my many college classes on the subject.
Leadership development is messy. It happens in real time, and no lesson plan, no matter how good and how detailed, can take into account every student and their personality. No activity, no matter how well planned and what outcome it’s supposed to achieve, can fully take into account every student on your team.
What I’m trying to say is this: plan for the unexpected. Plan to get off-plan. Your lesson or conversation or activity may take your team in a direction that is totally unexpected, and may even seem like a waste to you. Don’t judge it too quickly. Don’t shut it down too quickly. Real growth can happen where you least expect it.
Control is comfortable, control is planned, and control is, well, controlled. Leadership development is messy. Embrace it.
Training Tomorrow’s Leaders Today,
Matt
Monday, April 5, 2010
Value in Struggle
Life is hard.
Even so, I bet the best “ah-ha” moments in your life have come through struggle. While we do gain much by learning principles in the spotless laboratory of the classroom, it can’t teach us the most important lessons. Life teaches those, and it’s not always a nice teacher.
When we work with youth, and as we develop young leaders, our relationship with them will often lead us to want to keep them from struggle in life.
Don’t.
There is great value in struggle. In many ways it’s so easy to supply the right answers, or give them the best choice to make, or to help them in the moment that they start to founder in the face of a monumental task.
Don’t.
As mean as it sounds, I can’t think of a worse thing to do. The lessons and clarity that come from struggle will endure long after your boring lectures and teaching have faded from their memory.
Instead, when push comes to shove, come along side of them. Encourage them. Pray with them. Let them know you’re there for them. But let them face the struggle, beat it or succumb to it, and then learn from it.
This can be as easy as letting there be some silent moments after you ask an important question, or not giving them the answer on that history homework. It might be something more involved, too, like not bailing them out when they don’t prepare for a lesson.
Now, don’t take this too far. I’m not talking about putting them in imminent danger. But don’t baby them, either. They’re learning; let them.
Not only will they learn more when you let them struggle, but in the long run, as they look back on their life and reflect on their most poignant lessons, they will thank you for not stepping in and giving them a safe way out.
Training Tomorrow’s Leaders Today,
Matt
Even so, I bet the best “ah-ha” moments in your life have come through struggle. While we do gain much by learning principles in the spotless laboratory of the classroom, it can’t teach us the most important lessons. Life teaches those, and it’s not always a nice teacher.
When we work with youth, and as we develop young leaders, our relationship with them will often lead us to want to keep them from struggle in life.
Don’t.
There is great value in struggle. In many ways it’s so easy to supply the right answers, or give them the best choice to make, or to help them in the moment that they start to founder in the face of a monumental task.
Don’t.
As mean as it sounds, I can’t think of a worse thing to do. The lessons and clarity that come from struggle will endure long after your boring lectures and teaching have faded from their memory.
Instead, when push comes to shove, come along side of them. Encourage them. Pray with them. Let them know you’re there for them. But let them face the struggle, beat it or succumb to it, and then learn from it.
This can be as easy as letting there be some silent moments after you ask an important question, or not giving them the answer on that history homework. It might be something more involved, too, like not bailing them out when they don’t prepare for a lesson.
Now, don’t take this too far. I’m not talking about putting them in imminent danger. But don’t baby them, either. They’re learning; let them.
Not only will they learn more when you let them struggle, but in the long run, as they look back on their life and reflect on their most poignant lessons, they will thank you for not stepping in and giving them a safe way out.
Training Tomorrow’s Leaders Today,
Matt
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