Credibility ≠ Likability

I heard one of my professors say this a while back, and it made me think quite a bit. Deep down, we all have this need to be liked. Well, unless we’re sociopathic. Unfortunately, many of us need this so much that we let it get in the way of our teaching. This is not good.
For just a minute, examine yourself and ask yourself if this is what you do. Would you rather be liked, seen as a friend, or teach the hard lesson and be seen as a jerk for a week?
In the long term, of course, the answer is “I want to be both.” I think we can have both, but not always at the same time. Don’t misread what I’m saying. You want likability too. You won’t do much for the cause of Christ by being a jerk-face. But there will be times when you’ll have to choose between the two, and that’s what I’m talking about here.
Sometimes it is demanded of us that we do the right thing, say the right thing, even if our student isn’t going to like it, or us, for a while because of it.
Their future and their godliness is more important than whether they like what we have to say, or us. Sometimes we have to bite the bullet, say or do the hard thing, and let the chips fall where they will. They may not speak to you for a couple of weeks, but in the end, when they “come to themselves” they will realize that you said what you did, or did what you did, for their benefit. You’ve just established credibility.
Whether they realize it or not, you need credibility with your students. They will know when you’re softballing it for them. Hardballing might not get you any friendly texts that week, but in the long run you’ll establish yourself as someone who truly cares.
This principle might be even more difficult in a leadership team, where you are probably closer knit. However, here more than in youth group this principle is so important. Softballing doesn’t help anybody. We’re messing with the future, and God has called us to raise up these leaders. Credibility is imperative. Say the hard things. Your leaders should be able to take it. When it comes time for a yearly review, don’t hold back. Be real, be truthful.
Credibility will allow you to build leaders.
Question: Are You Choosing Likability Over Credibility? How Do You Balance The Two?

Training Tomorrow’s Leaders Today,
Matt

Get into the Personal

As we are teaching our students how to be biblical leaders, we must keep in mind that as their mentors and teachers, we need to be careful not to neglect their personal lives.
The following quote from a Tony Morgan blog has haunted me this week, and I hope it haunts you as well:
“At the end of Brian’s message today, he invited people to come forward for prayer and anointing. I was one of a number of pastors and elders who were available to pray with folks.
The experience impacted me. It reminded me that the people that walk through the doors of our church every Sunday may look okay on the outside, but many are dealing with some tough stuff on the inside. Addictions. Marriages collapsing. Kid’s heading in a wrong direction. Medical challenges. Financial crisis. Lack of purpose.”
Our students are human beings, not information repositories. We often (I often) make the mistake of filling them full of knowledge and practice and scripture and all of those wonderful things without attending to their needs.
Big Mistake.
The student who is going through a personal crisis (and we all do) is not going to be able to concentrate on how to be a leader.
The student who just had a fight with her mom is not going to be on her “A” game.
Remember that you are more than a teacher to these students. You are a pastor, a mentor, a guide. You are sometimes the person that they trust the most with spiritual matters. Don’t neglect them by treating them like robots.
Leaders are people too.
In the Trenches,
Matt

Training Opportunities

Here are five excuses I often hear about why a person couldn’t or shouldn’t take advantage of a training opportunity, and why they are full of it:
1. I don’t have time
While it is true that you may not have a lot of time, since you probably work at least 2 full time jobs (counting your ministry), and never see your spouse anyway, don’t let time become a factor in continuing education. The fact is, learning is a great way to spend your time. Remember, a day without learning something new is a wasted day.

2. I don’t have the money
This one probably rings true as well, but I guarantee you that there are ways to get money for training, and a whole lot of training that is free. Just the other day I went to a discipleship training seminar put on by Dare 2 Share. Now obviously, I had to sit through a pitch on their upcoming conference season, but the training was good (and they fed me). If you want to go to some training that actually costs money, ask the governing board of your church. Or, if you know it’s important, ask some people who support you and your work. It’s not out of the way to ask some of the people you minister to.

3. I shouldn’t take off from Work
Yes, you should. I know you have a lot of work to do, but training is renewing and many times energizing. And besides, you’re going to bring back the things that you learned and apply them in your ministry. You’re kinda working anyway.

4. That conference isn’t part of my denomination
May I say that this is the excuse that I disdain the most. I know we all like to hang around people that we agree with, but believe it or not, your denomination doesn’t have the corner on training or new ideas. It’s amazing what happens when different denominations get together to worship, learn, and train eachother. Make sure your discomfort with other trains of thought isn’t keeping you from an amazing training opportunity.

5. I can learn all that from a book
No, you can’t. While it may be true that you could get some of the same information, what you won’t get is community, other ideas, and an opportunity to synthesize those ideas with other people. I love to read, so this is my favorite, but it’s just not true. Many of us (myself included) learn well from just reading, but we give up the boost to education that other people bring to the table.

Let’s make sure that we’re taking every opportunity to make ourselves the very best we can be. Our God deserves it, our ministries deserve it, and we deserve it. Let’s also be a positive model to our leadership students to show them that they should take advantage of every opportunity they get to better themselves. It’s a lesson that will serve them, and us, a lifetime.

In the Trenches,
Matt

How To Destroy a Leadership Team in One Easy Step

Want to destroy a leadership team in a hurry? Here’s how: Don’t get to know your students. It’s that easy. Don’t learn anything more than their names. who needs to know more than that anyway?
Okay, you do. You need to know a lot more than just their names. Your leadership development team is going to hinge on intentional relationship building. If you want your team to be cohesive, meaningful, and fruitful, you must get involved in the lives of your students.
What drives them? What scares them? What are they truly passionate about? What can’t they stand? These are all things that you want to know; and that they want to share. This isn’t a shallow relationship, this is the real thing. Know them.
I know that this is risky. It involves emotional involvement. Emotional involvement means possible (probable) hurt. It comes with the territory. Get used to it. Remember, these relationships are there to build leadership principles on, not for your emotional health.
If you want to connect, if you want to have real impact on the lives of your leadership team, cultivate real relationships with your students. Be real with them and insist they be real with you. You’ll find that as you do, your group will begin to operate as a real team. And that’s when the real learning starts.
In the Trenches,
Matt